Dealing with loss as a library community
Post by Sarah Granville
Two weeks ago, one of the teens that uses my library committed suicide. It wasn’t one of the kids who came to programs regularly; he was one the the teens who would just come to hang out. And while I knew he had some troubles with school, such as showing up, he isn’t the type one would typically connect with suicide. He was outgoing, always talking to people, making jokes, and laughing. I found out before school let out through a co-worker who is a close family friend. For two and a half hours, I wondered “What can we do?” I knew we needed to do something for our library kids, but what? What are we, as librarians, qualified to do at a time like this? As I told a large group of high school students, they taught me about books in graduate school, not what to do if I ever lost one of my kids. No matter how hard we try not to get attached, it is difficult when working with youth, especially when working in a smaller community. Here are some things you can do in the wake of tragedy.
Make a memorial in your teen area. One of my girls began to write song lyrics on a paper pumpkin I had out for kids to decorate for Halloween, but it wasn’t quite big enough. I photocopied hearts on brightly colored paper, picking colors that reminded me of our friend. People wrote memories and messages on the hearts and they are taped up in our teen area. When we eventually take them down, we are going to put them in a scrapbook for the young man’s parents.
Communicate with the schools and be visible. I know that we have so much work to do, but I think it is important to take time to acknowledge our kids and what they are going through so they don’t feel alone in their pain. The kids that see you experiencing sadness over such a loss will realize that you care about them the same way adults in other areas of their lives such as school, church, and other community organizations, care. Call the effected schools to find out what is being done so that your library can pick up slack when needed, whether it is after school or weeks later. A colleague and I were fortunate that one of the high school guidance counselors called us to come and sit in the auditorium with the kids the day after the young man’s death. Teens and parents also responded to seeing us at calling hours and the funeral.
Open up your library. The first time the library meeting room was available, I had the kids come down so we could share more stories. A lot of them shared different memories than they had at school. A smaller audience helped ease them. This could also be good if you have home schooled students who might not have had an opportunity to grieve with others. I also called Victim’s Assistance, a local group with staff trained in dealing with these types of situations. The week after the tragedy I had them in the library twice. One afternoon, one counselor came and spent time in the teen area just talking to the kids, getting a feel for how they were dealing with things and what they needed. The next day, two counselors came for a guided crisis intervention.
We are still coping as a library family. Things are getting better and there is definitely more laughter in the teen area than there was two weeks ago. While no child should have to lose a friend at a young age, hopefully we can support them through their difficult time and all come out stronger in the end.
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Post contributed by Sarah Granville
Sarah is the Teen Services Librarian at the Barberton Public Library in Barberton, Ohio. Sarah loves the new perspectives her teen customers bring her. Their enthusiasm helps keep her enthusiastic on rough days!
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